I remember when Emma was born, shortly after that or before that the talk started to begin of purchasing my parents house down the road as they were always very interested in their neighbors home. As you know, Emma will be 4 in October. That means, the talks of this entire process... have been in the works for nearly 4 years, but even more seriously the past 2 years. You know how when you are presented with things in life... and time after time they consistently don't happen? After awhile, you start believing that it's NEVER going to happen. For example, last summer, my parents neighbor was going to move... "in the spring". I had no idea what "in the spring" meant. I don't think anyone did. So as March approached us, I knew that the season of Spring was right around the corner. Then... the thought process began..
May..... come and gone.
June.... come and gone.
July... come.... "It's probably going to be awhile because the neighbor needs to find a place to live...." .................... to BAM! It's here! Offer accepted on July 19th. She will be out of her house on September 1st.
Don't get me wrong, I'm estatic about moving into a larger house and one that both John & I feel has so much potential... but I'm scared to death.
There are two key factors that make me "scared to death".
1) We aren't approved yet for financing to purchase their house. Does that not seem like it's one of the major factors of moving? Yep, thought so. Waiting now for paperwork to get that done... and yes, we procrastinated, but after all, we waited 2+ years of hearing ... "pretty soon..." it's going to happen!
2) The sale of our home. Oh. My. Lord. I don't know how to SELL a frickin' HOUSE. Our neighbor is interested in our property, but the first offer was $10k lower then what we ABSOLUTELY NEED. In a conversation with him.. he asked... "is the house livable?" Excuse me? No, sorry - we live in condemned house. Who asks that kind of question? I realize that our neighbors houses that he purchased and has torn down were in awful shape. And I FULLY understand the outside of our house looks like CRAP. I get it. So why wouldn't he expect the same thing? But what a thing to say to someone? "Is your house livable?" I'll never forget that question. We are inviting him over later this week to see the inside of the house. He would be insane not to purchse our house as it is his goal to own 1/4 of the block.. and this is his last purchase. But... once he does come with an offer and say we accept... I have no idea even what to say to him! "Okay.. umm.. err... great!.. Yes.. Great! Thank you!... *blank stares on faces*.... We'll ahhh... yeah... get back to you." I don't know - I'm trying to be prepared, but honestly... it's the blind leading the blind here... I have no idea where to go with any of this, and no one else apparently does either. *sigh*
In the past 5 days I have stayed up at night until a ridiculous amount of time... scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors. Last night? I didn't fall asleep until after 2am. This morning... I woke up.. feel like crap because of the lack of sleep. But on I went to work. After talking to my dad about how things are going to work between our transaction with him and us.. it put me at ease. I figure God must've known how much I hate banks. How I hate entering them... How I hate sitting down infront of someone who has your entire financial history infront of them... waiting on ONE person to make the decision as to how you will move forward in life. So, the fact that we can do this by mail, softens the nerves a little.
Tonight, when I got home I just plopped on the couch and stared into space... mindless. Thoughtless... Numb because I'm exhausted.
Emma approaches me.. and says "Can you read me Beauty & the Beast?" I suggested that we do her MAP Book for Lil K at church instead. The title on the book was "I Can Follow God." How appropriate as we enter these times of uncertainty. I know that God is in control. I fully know and understand that. And truly... this is going to be a very long process and I have to full GRASP that and embrace that HE is in control and I am not... very soon. Because quite honestly... I'm burning out fast... and this entire thing just started.
Deeeep breath.
Trying to sing the song that got us through our adoption journey...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtNzOpKvPfw
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