The Inevitable Question

As of the past couple of months Emma has been in a trend of asking me some form of one of these questions...

"Do you have a baby in your belly?"
"Are you GOING to have a baby in your belly?"

Before going any further the answer is... negative. (Albeit, it has made given me a little inspiration to drop some pounds.)

But tonight, the question was worded a little differently... She said.. "I was in your tummy before I was born." She caught me dead in my tracks. All I could do is sit here... I didn't know what to say! Then she went on to say... "Yep, I sure was, and Mom, when you ate pizza... I ate it too because I was in your belly."

Cute, right? Absolutely is! But I do struggle with this. Because I don't know what to say to her. Our "plan" pre-Emma was always to tell her that she was adopted. To have an open adoption with her birthmother and to make it known to her that she was. I didn't want any secrets.

Well... as we approached her Adoption Day this year I did question to myself... How is this going to work? She's getting to an age where she understands a ton and retains everything that is said to her. So how do we approach it? Well, her Adoption Day came and I didn't tell her it was her day until that night I picked her up from daycare. So we went to Target and picked out a book and we read every book she has gotten for each of her Adoption Days thus far. Of course she thought it was pretty cool, why wouldn't she? She got a gift.

I don't know, I'm just really struggling with all of this right now... because I don't know what to tell her and I don't know how to tell her. The way that she asked if she was in my belly before she was born, the very thought that she had that everything that I ate... she ate... it's just not true. I guess most of all, I just don't want to lead her on that that's the way that it happened. I know she's only 3 and will be 4 here just in a month so it's not like it's going to scar her for life... but I just have a hard time saying it to her. Explaining it to her so she would understand. And part of me just doesn't want to say anything.. but I just can't do that. She deserves to know where she came from, but I don't want her to be looked at differently in the society of preschoolers because she will invitably bring it up to her friends at daycare. And some may not think that the political BS of life is in bloom at age 3, but believe me you... it is starting.

A conversation you knew would be inevitably, but I always felt prepared for it... until now.

At the end of the day... she is mine and I am hers.. and together we are God's. That's really all I can ask for... I just don't want to be a closed book. I want to tell her everything... I just don't know how.