Trying to Remember

What do you say to people when you part ways?

Talk to you later... ttyl.... see you tomorrow... see you soon... love you.... byebye... good night...

I think everyone has used one of those if not all, to say when departing ways with someone. Whether it be an aquaintance, friend, family member... anyone. We all have our way to say "see you around."

Do you ever remember what you said though? Do you ever remember what the person on the other side of the conversation said? It shouldn't be all that important, because after all... you're suppose to either see or talk to them in the near future.

A friend of mine always use to say... "Love you or Love ya." after the end of every. single. conversation. As much as I loved her, I never said it to her back... or very very rarely. Why? Because I didn't think it would really matter... but now that I can't say it.... it matters so much to me, because I wish I would've said it more.

I feel like everyone has moved on. I feel like when I talk about said person above, that I get looks of... why even bring it up? Or just an overall feeling of "why did you have to make me remember her today?" So I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone. It's either because I get the feeling that they don't want to feel it, remember it.... or they never even knew her... so two months later, I feel like people are telling me that I should "get over it". Hell, I still have someone that is very close to me that has never even said any type of comforting word to me about it and when I talk about her, I feel like it's a really awkward situation and they are really thinking... please just shut up, because this is a really awkward conversation for me. Yet, people I don't even know, have comforted me more then this person. That really pisses me off. I've thought about saying something to them, about how it makes me feel, but why make them feel like ass too? So I've just swept it under the rug and try to forget about it.

And as much as I appreciate the kind words from some people... about "she's in a better place".... "she's still around you... talk to her, she can hear you.".... I GET that. I KNOW she is in a better place and I KNOW she is around me. But I still think I have the right to miss what I once had.

Most of all, I just want to remember her. And if I don't talk about her, even if it's just to tell someone how much I miss her... I feel unconnected.... I feel like I'm going to forget... and that scares me. There is one thing that still remains consistent through this, and that is... a light is still blinking at ext 4598 and somedays, its this simple freaking light that comforts me the most. Because I know, that talking about it or not... her memory lives on, because people are still calling.... just to hear her voice.